Monday, November 21, 2016

The Should of Doing

I think I’ve put a LOT of pressure on myself to “do”, to accomplish. I wrote my daily “got done” list at the end of every day (most days) to show that yes, I’ve gotten stuff done despite dealing with chronic illness. I’ve worked with some goal setting tools this year that absolutely have helped me improve my mindset and my efforts. But now I wonder if I’ve swung too far in the opposite direction.

I feel an obligation to “do”, to accomplish, to get stuff done, despite dealing with chronic illness. Why, I’m not sure. Probably in part because my life is NOTHING like I thought it would be before I became ill. I desperately want to be useful, functional. I see others around me accomplishing so much and I’m so jealous. Though I know it’s not true, I feel like I’ve accomplished nothing and I’m going nowhere with my life.

But what if I could be content to just “be”? Can I be content and not worry about how much I did today, or yesterday, or how much I might do tomorrow? I know my worth isn’t reliant upon what I accomplish. But there’s so much I DO want to accomplish and feel like I can’t due to chronic illness. Maybe that’s why I’m grasping so tightly at what I do actually do.

I think I’m going to take the rest of the week off from doing my “got done” list at the end of the day. I think I’m going to try to not worry about what I think I SHOULD be doing. I’m going to try to be content and just “be”.

Do you worry about "doing"? Please feel free to share in the comments.

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